How You Gonna See Me Now?
by TwoCentsForFree
Summary: Lucky goes to rehab to get clean and wonders if Elizabeth's opinion of him has changed. Songfic set to Alice Cooper.


Disclaimer: I don't own the GH characters, but if anybody's lookin' to get rid of Noah, Patrick, Jason, Lucky, Luke, Robert, Dillon, Diego, Jax or Nikolas, I'd be happy to take 'em.

A/N: A little different than the plot line on GH, but hope you enjoy it anyway.

**How You Gonna See Me Now?**

**Lucky goes to rehab to get clean and worries how his marriage will be when he comes back. Songfic to "How You Gonna See Me Now?" by Alice Cooper.**

Three months ago, I would have done anything to keep going. Things are different now. Now, I'll do just about anything to stop. My name is Lucas Lorenzo Spencer Jr. and I---I am an addict. After an injury that damaged my spine, I was put on prescription painkillers. Over time, I realized that these pills were the only things that kept me going. I was able to mask my problem for a while, but it took hitting rock bottom---nearly ending my marriage---to make me face this thing, to make me want to change. I want to change.

My family was really supportive: Nikolas, Elizabeth, Lulu and Emily---they believed in me. They convinced me to acknowledge this struggle. I acknowledged it and here I am: Rehab. It's been a really hard month so far, but the people here believe in me, too. They know I can beat this and I know it, as well. I've made a few friends here, but I want to see my family again. As I lay here in bed, I can only think of the day I left, the words that were said and the pain that was felt and how good it'll be to come back to the ones I love.

_"We're proud of you, Lucky," Liz said, embracing me. "It'll be hard, but you can do it." She found it hard to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks. "I love you." I brushed them away with my thumb, trying to stop the coming of my own._

_"I love you, too. And I'll be back---don't worry. Just try to be brave for Cam, okay?" She nodded, wiping her eyes._

_"I'll try." I turned to Nikolas then. _

_"Keep an eye on her, please," I said as he, too, hugged me. _

_"Of course. You just focus on getting better, man. That's all that matters right now." _

_"I will. Say hi to Spencer for me, will ya?" I asked._

_"Sure thing." Emily follows suit and, after one last kiss from my wife, I got into my car and drove off. It wasn't until I was officially out of Port Charles that I finally let my emotions escape…_

I miss them---God, I miss them! There's no telephone around, so I can't call them…maybe a letter… Yeah, that's it, I'll write a letter. I get out a piece of paper and rack my brain of stuff to say:

_Dear Elizabeth:_

_I'm probably the last person you expected to hear from, huh? I 'm just writing to see how things are going. I really miss life the way it was...before all this. This really isn't the place for me. No, the place for me is in your arms. That's the thing I miss the most. The doctors and counselors say I'm doing really well and that I should be able to come home soon. I can hardly wait! But I guess I'm kinda scared that maybe, since…we haven't seen each other for a while…you don't feel the same way you did when I left. Maybe like you're ashamed to have an addict for a husband…_

**_Dear Darlin', _**

**_Surprised to here from me? _**

**_Bet you're sittin' drinkin' coffee, _**

**_Yawnin' sleepily _**

**_Just to let you know _**

**_I'm gonna be home soon _**

**_I'm kinda awkward and afraid _**

**_Time has changed _**

**_Your point of view… _**

**_How you gonna see me now? _**

**_Please don't see me ugly babe _**

**_'Cause I know I let you down _**

**_In oh, so many ways _**

**_How you gonna see me now _**

**_Since we've been on our own? _**

**_Are you gonna love the man _**

**_When the man gets home? _**

_I know I've failed you, let you down. For that, I can never truly forgive myself. I may be clean and off the drugs, but my heart is still dirty---very much unclean. And very much addicted to you. But like I said before, I'm a little afraid, but I guess the rehab wouldn't be working if I wasn't. I feel totally alone in this place, in spite of the few friends I've made. Can't wait to get back to where I belong, back with you and everyone else-- back home._

**_Listen Darlin'_**

**_Now I'm headin' for the west. _**

**Straightened out my head but**

**_My old heart is still a mess _**

**_Yes I'm worried honey _**

**_Guess that's natural though _**

**_It's like I'm waiting for a welcome sign _**

**_Like a hobo in the snow… _**

**_How you gonna see me now? _**

**_Please don't see me ugly babe _**

**_'Cause I know I let you down _**

**_In oh, so many ways _**

**_How you gonna see me now _**

**_Since we've been on our own? _**

**_Are you gonna love the man _**

**_When the man gets home? _**

_Remember how nervous we were on our wedding day? My hands shook as I placed that ring on your finger, making the promise I've so deftly broken. Take that anxiousness and multiply it by, like, a gazillion. That's how freaked I am. The thing that scares me most is having to face not you, but Cameron. I hope he knows that his daddy loves him very much. A clear head has enabled me to see that he needs a father in his life who can be there for him. He's the reason I most wanted to change. It's gonna be kinda weird to see all you guys again… maybe you'll still love me like I love you, maybe Lulu might still see me as her cool big brother, maybe Nikolas will still wanna go out for a drink or two at Jake's every Friday night and maybe Cam will still want me to read him a bedtime story every now and then. And our baby...hope they know that I love them, too... Only time will tell. And until I get back, all I can say is that I've changed quite a bit---but it's definitely for the better. See you soon, Liz._

_Your loving husband,_

_Lucky Spencer_

_P.S. Say hi to Nik, Em and Lulu and give Cameron a kiss for me._

And as I close the letter, I sit back and smile to myself at the thought of soon leaving the rehabilitation center and heading back home to the family that I love and miss so very much.

**_And just like the first time _**

**_We're just strangers again_**

**_ I might've grown out of style_**

**_ In the place I've been_**

**_ And just like the first time_**

**_ I'll be shakin' inside_**

**_ When I walk in the door_**

**_ There'll be no place to hide… _**

**_How you gonna see me now? _**

**_Please don't see me ugly babe _**

**_'Cause I feel I've let you down_**

**_ In oh, so many ways _**

**_How you gonna see me now _**

**_Since we've been on our own? _**

**_Are you gonna love the man _**

**_When the man gets home? _**


End file.
